Tom's Tip Sheet (sans Tom)

Football
Tom's Tip Sheet (Sans Tom)
By Tony Gerdeman

Because of the week that this week just happens to be, I've had to apologize to a lot of people for my lack of concentration, or forgetting to do something, or for driving left of center from laughing my butt off listening to clips of Bob Ufer.

So this will be another apology.

Sorry that I haven't done my usual three-dumpster dose of research for this week's Tip Sheet. I know I'm letting Tom's legacy down, but, as I said, I'm sorry.

And on "Rivalry Week" of all weeks.

It's not that I'm lazy--or at least that's not the reason my research is lacking this week. I just don't think it's fair to give much thought to irrelevance.

Maryland at Boston College? Seriously?

Yeah, it's a big game in the ACC. That tells me all I need to know about the ACC. Any other week, I'd care about this game. This week, it's bottom-of-the-shoe scrapings.

The Backyard Brawl? Any game with Wannie can't be all that great.

So, anyway, my mind isn't on any other game. That may become apparent as you read this. I'm sorry if you were looking for something more inclusive.

Thursday November 16

Teams: West Virginia at Pittsburgh
Time (TV): 7:30 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 0.5
Cheer For: Pittsburgh

West Virginia reminds me of former Michigan running back Ricky Powers. In high school, he was the next big thing. He was great! He was pert near a legend. But he was also overshadowed by one Robert Smith. When Robert Smith chose Ohio State, Powers didn't have enough confidence in himself to go to Ohio State and compete for playing time. Instead, he chose to become a big fish in a haughty little pond. He chose Michigan. He burst out of the gate with great fanfare. He was a star. Then, as the season went on, his star dimmed. He faded. He was forgotten. He was just like West Virginia. Minus the black lung, of course.

Teams: Akron at Ohio
Time (TV): 7:30 pm (ESPNU)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Akron

Why are we cheering for Akron? Because Antonio Pittman and Chris Wells are cheering for Akron. How can you go against them? If you cheer for the Bobcats, you deserve to lose your couch and/or car to flame engulfment.

Friday November 17

Teams: Central Michigan at Northern Illinois
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ESPNU)
Interest: 0.025
Cheer For: Northern Illinois

I'm guessing a total of four Buckeye fans will be watching this game. I don't know if I can watch college football this Friday night. It would be like slapping some ketchup on a couple of saltines while you're waiting for the world's greatest pizza to be delivered. I apologize for not getting more in-depth about this game, but let's be honest, you stopped reading this at "... slapping some ketchup..."

Saturday November 18

Teams: Maryland at Boston College
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Boston College

Why are we cheering for Boston College? Because we'd like to see Maryland lose and help Wake Forest out. Why are we so into Wake Forest this week? Because when I was a senior in high school my guidance counselor asked what schools I wanted to apply to. I said Ohio State, Cincinnati and Wake Forest. She laughed at me when I said Wake Forest. I asked her to stop laughing, but she wouldn't. Who's laughing now? Whatever. Shut up.

Teams: Michigan State at Penn State
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ESPN2)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Michigan State

Who says you can't have a manufactured rivalry? The Battle for the Land Grant Trophy is one such prefab promotion! Glory of glories!! How can you not want to win a trophy designed by George Perles? The trophy is actually the second incarnation. The first was a bronzed version of one of Dagwood Bumstead's famed sandwiches. That trophy had to be retired, however, when Penn State quarterback Wally Richardson somehow ate the olive. The trophy now has each winning school engraved on the silver plating. The storied tradition of the Land Grant Trophy knows many tales. But none so famous as the time Bobby Williams' wife sold the trophy in a garage sale back in the summer of 2000. That is why the trophy now says "...Michigan State 1999...Phyllis McGee 2000...Penn State 2001..."

Teams: Buffalo at Wisconsin
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ESPNU)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Wisconsin

If this game was bad mustaches and laughably wavy hair, it would be former Wolverine Mark Messner. Admittedly, the '80s were a terrible time for mustaches and hair, but Messner had the perfect storm going on. The term "bedroom eyes" is thrown around an awful lot, and we can be glad they don't apply here. Perhaps a more apt term would be "torture basement eyes" or "conversion van eyes".

Teams: Indiana at Purdue
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ESPN Classic)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Indiana

We're cheering for Indiana because we want them to go to a bowl game. We like Indiana. We want them to do well. We don't really care about Purdue. Our indifference to Purdue has nothing to do with this being Michigan Week. We would be indifferent to them even if we were playing a meaningless game against a terrible team, like against Penn State for instance. Anyway, Go Hoosiers, beat the Boilers!

Teams: Iowa at Minnesota
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (GP)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Minnesota

Isn't it fun watching Kirk Ferentz lose? However, he'll never be blamed for it because "winning in Iowa is so tough." Obviously, much of the blame for Iowa's collapse should be aimed at Drew Tate. Last week against Wisconsin, Tater was an impressive 10-31 throwing the ball. Tate makes Baby Juice Williams cry. The Hawkeyes have already qualified for a bowl game and Minnesota is trying to join them. You know what, we should probably cheer for Iowa so that Minnesota doesn't get to a bowl game. We don't want the Mountain West getting a win over the Big Ten.

Teams: Tennessee at Vanderbilt
Time (TV): 12:30 pm (LF/GP)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Vanderbilt

It Tennessee loses this game, what was once a very promising season will once again give way to disappointment. And Phil Fulmer will feel a little bit more heat. This is Vanderbilt's bowl game, but since they really have no experience in bowl games, I'm expecting a Vol victory. I won't be watching this game, however. Instead I'll probably be flipping around looking for pregame shows. Or I'll be outside running around the house. Or maybe I'll find an axe and chop some trees down. Maybe I'll dig a pond for a few hours. Who am I kidding, I'll probably be nervously picking at a deli tray, wrapping some summer sausage around a piece of cauliflower and wondering how much better it would be if it was beer-battered and deep fried.

Teams: Illinois at Northwestern
Time (TV): 1:00 pm
Interest: 0.75
Cheer For: Northwestern

The Battle of Illinois. Not since Greg and Marsha Brady had their driving test contest has so much been riding on so little. Northwestern is Marsha. Illinois is Greg. And the egg on the traffic cone is a second Big Ten win .

Teams: Army at Notre Dame
Time (TV): 2:30 pm (NBC)
Interest: 0.25
Cheer For: Army

Brady Quinn continues the stat-parade portion of the Irish schedule. Expect five or six touchdown passes for Quinn as Charlie Weis will try to steal some of the Michigan-Ohio State headlines. With a victory, Notre Dame will wrap up a clean sweep of the Service Academies. They've beaten Navy and Air Force by an average score of 39-16. Impressive doesn't even begin to describe it.

Teams: Michigan at Ohio State
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ABC)
Interest: Eleventy Billion
Cheer For: Ohio State

Now is the week of our discontent. Tangled by days and hours, the binds are being loosened. Soon, our discontent will give way to controlled marauding. If, that is, things should happen to go our way. For that to happen, the running game will need to be effective...enough. Troy Smith will need time. One receiver needs to get open. Not two, not three. Just one. Give Troy enough time to find the one guy that is open, and the offensive line has done its job. The defense has to limit good yardage on first down. If the Wolverines are staring at second and long, that lends itself to a third and long. Third and long is where Wolverines go to die. But is Michigan sandbagging like they did prior to Notre Dame? Michigan fans think so. I don't. But will it matter? Coach Tressel says the team that handles adversity the best has the best chance of winning. If he says it, I'll believe it. I can guarantee one thing--one of two streaks will be ended on Saturday. It will either be Mike Hart's fumble-less streak, or Ohio State's streak of zero points given up after a turnover. I'm guessing the winner of the game will still have their streak intact.

Teams: Auburn at Alabama
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (CBS)
Interest: 1.67
Cheer For: Alabama

The Iron Bowl. Or, as I'm sure they say it down there, "The Arnble." Bravo SEC and CBS. This is like scheduling the finale of Everybody Loves Raymond opposite the Seinfeld finale. Idiots. Of course, if there's any year to hide this hunk of muck, it's this year. Auburn is coming off of a 37-15 loss to a Georgia team that has lost to both Vanderbilt and Kentucky this year. Alabama's season hasn't been any better, but their conference schedule was criminal. Of course, losing to Mississippi State at home was criminal too. Still, with a loss like that on Alabama's schedule, I guess that means they're a lock to put up 40 on Auburn.

Teams: Washington at Washington State
Time (TV): 6:45 pm (FSN)
Interest: 0.50
Cheer For: Washington State

The Apple Cup. The rivalry game that's also a part of a balanced breakfast. Cheer for Washington State because they have "State" in their school name. Plus they have similar colors to the Buckeyes. And let's not forget that we still feel sorry for what Darrion Scott did to Jason Gesser back in 2002. And wouldn't it be nice to feel sorry for Chad Henne four years from now for virtually the same thing?

Teams: Virginia Tech at Wake Forest
Time (TV): 7:00 pm (ESPN2)
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: Wake Forest

Last week's 30-0 win against Florida State marked the first time in school history that Wake Forest cost an opponent's coach his job. For the third straight week, the Demon Deacons play the biggest game of their season. Two weeks ago, Wake beat Boston College 21-14. It seems strange to say it, but Wake Forest is used to big games. If Wake wins this game and Maryland loses to Boston College, the ACC Championship Game will be settled, as Wake Forest would take on Georgia Tech. I think I've picked against Wake every time I've had an opportunity so far. This time, however, I'm taking the Deacons. Sorry, Wake.

Teams: Rutgers at Cincinnati
Time (TV): 7:45 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Cincinnati

Cincinnati is the poor man's Rutgers. The Bearcats just don't have the backfield talent that Rutgers does. I think Cincinnati can hang with Rutgers all game long. But, as they always do, Rutgers will find a way to win. They'll just keep pounding the ball until Cincinnati can't do anything to stop it. Then they'll play a smothering defense against an inconsistent Bearcat offense. Neither team is explosive enough to put a ton of points on the board, and a seventeen-point lead in this game would be insurmountable. I'm expecting something like 24-13.

Teams: California at Southern Cal
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ABC)
Interest: 4
Cheer For: Can't decide

I'm torn on who to root for. I think a lot of it will depend on the outcome of our game. If the Buckeyes win, I'll be rooting for USC (in principle). Cal got caught looking ahead last week and lost at Arizona. I've long held the belief that if you get caught looking ahead, you better make it worth it when you finally get to the game you were looking ahead to. But I have my doubts. If Cal is going to win, Marshawn Lynch has to be able to run. Also, quarterback Nate Longshore needs to be able to find receiver Desean Jackson consistently. The Trojans don't really have anybody to match up with Lynch or Jackson. However, the same can be said for USC's receiving corps. If you aren't sitting in jail, maybe you should tune in and catch some west coast football. Aw, who am I kidding, you'll be in jail.

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