Football
Tom's Tip Sheet (Sans Tom)
By Tony Gerdeman

There are a ton of big games this week, so I don’t want to bog you down too much before I even get to them.

However, I will say a few things about last week.

Penn State is terrible.

Did you get to see any of their game against Notre Dame? Even though the game has been over since Saturday, if you turn it over to NBC right now, you should be able to see Paul Pozluszny finally getting into your picture. He may be tackling somebody from Days of Our Lives, though.

That dude is slower than JoePa’s stories about the general stores he’s been in.

“Ahh…there was…ahh…this one time…ahh…at Murphy’s Trading Post in…ahh…Beaver Falls and they…zzzzzzz zzzzzz zzzzzz…”

Back to this week. I hope you have multiple televisions, because there are some tremendous games on all at the same time Saturday. There are four good-to-great games on at 3:30, and that doesn’t even count the momentous meeting between John L. Smith and Dave Wannstedt.

Then, of course, there are the three night games, of which probably only one will turn out competitive for some reason.

Oh, and getting back to Penn State, did you see Anthony Morelli? I’ve seen better throws from peanut vendors. GIRL peanut vendors.

And he runs the option like Niles Crane.

Thursday

Teams: Maryland at West Virginia
Time (TV): 7:30 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 4
Cheer For: Maryland

Personally, it’s hard for me to root against West Virginia on Thursday nights. Thursday night games are special in their own way, but when West Virginia plays, it’s a little more special. Of course, this one will only be special for about a quarter and a half. Rich Rodriguez only played Steve Slaton for two series last week, and he still went over 100 yards. I think he may have been saving him for this week. This game has 200 yards for Slaton written all over it. And Pat White will rush for another hundred. Maryland will make a little run in the second half, but never get within 14.

Friday

Teams: Kansas at Toledo
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ESPN2)
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: Toledo

Last week, Kansas had to hold their breath and stop a two-point conversion attempt to secure their victory against mighty Louisiana-Monroe. I’ve long held the belief that any school named after any character that Jim J. Bullock has played should never come within two points of beating you. I’ll take Toledo in this one.

Saturday

Teams: Iowa State at Iowa
Time (TV): Noon (ESPN)
Interest: 4
Cheer For: Iowa

There are two prevailing lines of thinking when it comes to rooting for Iowa this weekend. Should they lose, would they fold their tents, throw them in the back of their S-10s and call it a season? Or would they view the Ohio State game as an attempt to save their season? The other option would be for Iowa to win and mysteriously wash the taste of that seizure at Syracuse out of their collective mouth. In which case they would once again be supremely confident in their ability to vanquish any opponent that would engage them. And then, of course, the Buckeyes would beat them by three touchdowns. As far as this week’s game is concerned, the Cyclones are going to move the ball. And if Drew Tate leaves the game, he leaves with a loss.

Teams: Syracuse at Illinois
Time (TV): Noon (ESPNU)
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Illinois

This game should make you angry at electricity. Sure it’s done a lot for you, but this is a new low. You weren’t even this mad at electricity when you stuck that paper clip in the outlet when you were eleven and the voltage caused you to bite off 60% of your tongue, forcing you to give up Neopolitan ice cream because you lost the tastebuds that could taste strawberry flavoring. And you’ve forgiven electricity since then anyway. But this? Electricity brings you this? Don’t you have a cabin and a manifesto that you wanted to work on?

Teams: Ball State at Purdue
Time (TV): 1:00 pm
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: Purdue

Go ahead and cheer for Purdue. They need your support. The Big Ten has taken a hit publicly because of last week, so we need all the wins we can get out of conference. And besides, it’s not like Purdue is going undefeated anyway. At least this game had the sense not to get put on TV. I’m sure ESPNU called, but Purdue was quickly saying, “Oh, no, no. No thanks. We’re good.”

Teams: Temple at Minnesota
Time (TV): 2:00 pm
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Minnesota

Yeesh. You ever seen a family photo of an ugly family and each member of the family you look at is uglier than the last? That’s the Big Ten schedule this week, and Temple at Minnesota is Grampa.

Teams: Eastern Michigan at Northwestern
Time (TV): 2:00 pm
Interest: 3
Cheer For: Northwestern

After Northwestern’s monumental (but nearly annual) early season collapse against an inferior foe (New Hampshire last week), I am interested to see how they bounce back. They were 0-4 converting fourth downs last week. Unless you’re Charlie Weis, four fourth down conversion attempts is a bad sign. Wildcat quarterback Mike Kafka needs to stop running the ball and start letting his backs carry it. Tyrell Sutton had 14 carries against New Hampshire. That’s about 14 too few. But let’s not place all of the blame on the offense, because the defense still gave up 34 points (27 in the first half) to a I-AA opponent. And New Hampshire even pulled a Tresselian offensive shutdown in the second half, only throwing the ball three times. Eastern Michigan can move the ball, so Northwestern may be in trouble again. I have to believe, however, that they will have a better showing and we’ll see Tyrell Sutton approach 30 carries.

Teams: Oklahoma at Oregon
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ABC/GP)
Interest: 4
Cheer For: Oregon

Believe it or not, Oregon has a much tougher road than Oklahoma. That’s why we’re cheering for Oregon. That and we love their sweet unis. Admit it. You love ‘em. It’s okay. Their uniforms are a lot like early “Seinfeld” episodes. At first, you’re like, “I don’t get it.” Then you start to understand. Now you realize that they are one of the top appareled teams in the country. Oklahoma will understand after Saturday. They will see these sweet flashes of yellow and green running by them repeatedly to the tune of about 34-20. Poor Adrian Peterson is a one-man show without a stage crew.

Teams: Michigan State at Pittsburgh
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ABC/GP)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: Hilarity!

Imagine the dumbest dog in your neighborhood. Now imagine him running full speed into a mailbox. That’s what this game is. Who’s the mailbox? I’m not sure. I’m thinking it’s gonna be Wannie. If you want something to watch for, keep an eye on Pitt’s linebackers H.B. Blades and Tommie Campbell. Blades is the real deal and will have some serious collisions with 270-lb tailback Jehuu Caulcrick. Campbell, however, is a 210-lb converted safety. He may get hurt. I’m expecting Drew Stanton and Javon Ringer to have success moving the ball and I’m expecting Tyler Palko to continue to throw the ball like he can’t lift his arm above his waist.

Teams: Miami (FL) at Louisville
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ABC/GP)
Interest: 4
Cheer For: Miami (FL)

This is game one of Louisville’s three game season. Losing Michael Bush is certainly a blow, but the Cardinals still have plenty of offensive weapons. When you’re watching this game, remind yourself how far advanced Louisville is offensively compared to Florida State, who couldn’t get anything done on this Hurricane defense. Louisville’s defense may not be able to shut Miami down, but they may not need to as Miami will probably shut themselves down. Before Michael Bush got hurt, I thought this would be a two touchdown game for Louisville. I still like that number.

Teams: LSU at Auburn
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (CBS)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: LSU

Before you even ask, I’m saying cheer for LSU because they have a tougher road through the SEC. Now, to the game…as a rule, if there are two relatively evenly matched conference opponents, I take the home team. But I’m having trouble in this case. LSU hasn’t been tested yet, thanks to a weak schedule. Auburn has destroyed Washington State and Mississippi State, which I believe helps Auburn in this game. If LSU can slow down Kenny Irons I’m not sure what Auburn does to score. I like the weapons that LSU has. I still think that Alley Broussard could be the best back in the conference when healthy. We’ll get to see how right or wrong I am Saturday night. All of that being said, I’ll go with LSU because of JaMarcus Russell’s poise and their ability to slow down Auburn’s running game.

Teams: Michigan at Notre Dame
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (NBC)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: Michigan!

Until I am proven wrong on Saturday, I will remain convinced that Michigan’s passing game has been sandbagging it. There’s no way they will continue to stretch the field with such a lack of aggression as to make a football fan a soccer fan. Remember when Rocky Balboa switched in mid-fight to southpaw and beat Clubber Lang? Or did he switch from southpaw…and was he fighting Apollo Creed? I can’t remember, but I’m thinking this game is like that. However, regardless of what Michigan’s offense does, if LaMarr Woodley and Rondell Biggs aren’t getting pressure on Brady Quinn, the Irish will shred Michigan’s secondary. With that in mind, I do think Michigan will get pressure on Quinn. Which leaves it up to Mike DeBord’s play-calling. If Michigan goes downfield, they win. If they don’t, they lose by 17.

Teams: Youngstown State at Penn State
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ESPNU)
Interest: 3
Cheer For: Penn State

If Oregon’s uniforms are the “Seinfeld” of uniforms, then Penn State’s uniforms are “Diagnosis Murder”.

Teams: San Diego State at Wisconsin
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (GP)
Interest: 3
Cheer For: Wisconsin

This is the Tip Sheet Fantasy Focus Game of the Week. I’m starting Badger running back P.J. Hill. He’s gotten 22 carries and gone over 100 yards in each of his first two games this season. While I would like more production out of him yardage-wise, he has scored four touchdowns for me this season. Thanks in part to Hill’s production, my team is currently 16th in the world. If I keep up this pace, I will get a t-shirt and a trophy! Jealous? You’re jealous.

Teams: Southern Illinois at Indiana
Time (TV): 4:00 pm (CollegeSportsDirect.TV)
Interest: No thanks, I’m driving.
Cheer For: Terry Hoeppner

Hoosier Head Coach Terry Hoeppner will be out for a few weeks as he recovers from recent brain surgery to remove a possible tumor from the right side of his head. Assistant head coach Bill Lynch will take over in the interim. Everybody here at The Tip Sheet would like to wish a speedy recovery to Coach Hep and urge him back at his own pace. Here’s hoping he’s back defending The Rock before we know it.

Teams: Texas Tech at TCU
Time (TV): 5:30 pm (OLN/Versus)
Interest: 4
Cheer For: Texas Tech

This is TCU’s biggest hurdle on their way to the BCS. If they can get by the Red Raiders, they only really have to worry about a trip to Utah on October 5. TCU did a very good job on Baylor in week one, and Baylor has a similar offense to Texas Tech. What Baylor does not have, however, is Texas Tech’s talent. Tech is coming off of a 38-35 win at UTEP. A win that was probably more difficult than it should have been. TCU is about 13 points better than UTEP, so I’ll go with TCU in this one.

Teams: Bowling Green at Florida International
Time (TV): 6:00 pm
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Bowling Green

Maybe it’s just me, but if I’m Bowling Green, I schedule this one around late November, early December. Who wants to go to Florida in September? Do you already miss the mosquitos? A quick note about Bowling Green, last week they almost had two quarterbacks rush for 100 yards. (I didn’t say it was an impressive note.)

Teams: Texas at Rice
Time (TV): 6:00 pm (ESPN2)
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Texas

Cheer for Texas, but pray for Rice.

Teams: Buffalo at Northern Illinois
Time (TV): 7:35 pm
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Northern Illinois

The Huskies lost to Ohio last week. And it wasn’t even close. Garrett Wolfe did rush for 196 yards, though. Buffalo lost a heartbreaker in triple overtime at Bowling Green last week. The Bulls scored 40 points and did it with only 243 yards of total offense. I can’t believe I’ve talked this much about Buffalo. Garrett Wolfe runs for 260 yards.

Teams: Clemson at Florida State
Time (TV): 7:45 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 4
Cheer For: Clemson

Who doesn’t love a good Bowden Bowl, dadgummit! Bobby owns a 5-2 record in the overrated series. Tommy can only usually get a win if his job is on the line, as evidenced by his winning two of the last three. Tommy’s job is presumably safe for at least another year due to his 35-14 thrashing of FSU last year. Because of this, and because the game is in Tallahassee, I’ll take Florida State all day long.

Teams: Nebraska at Southern California
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ABC)
Interest: 4.5
Cheer For: Nebraska

Sure, it would be nice to think that Nebraska has a shot in this one, but don’t get your hopes up. USC will continue to score on named opponents who are currently living on past accomplishments and get full credit for it. They will continue to search for a running back who can carry the ball twenty times and when they can’t find him, it will be declared that the Trojan backfield is just too loaded. But maybe I’m selling Nebraska short. After all, they have won both of their games by an average of, roughly, 53-8. That has to tell you something. Actually, what it should tell you is that Nebraska opened the season with LaTech and Nicholls State. The only thing going for Nebraska is that this may be close to a home game for them. Husker fans have been arriving in L.A. since early in the week. Most of them took one step out of their RVs, looked around, got shot in the thigh from a stray bullet, quickly tore their flannel shirt and wrapped it around the wound, making sure to apply pressure, then they fashioned a tourniquet out of a broken pool cue that was left in the parking lot for some reason. And then they fixed brats.

Teams: Florida at Tennessee
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (CBS)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: Florida

Yeah, I know I said cheer for Tennessee to go 7-0 into South Carolina. But South Carolina is really bad right now, so it’s best to get Tennessee’s loss out of the way as soon as possible. Last week, Tennessee barely held onto a one-point victory over mighty Air Force. Air Force scored two touchdowns in the final three minutes, losing when their two-point conversion attempt came up ridiculously short. The Vols gave up 281 yards rushing to Air Force. Just imagine how many yards Florida could put up on the ground if Chris Leak weren’t yella. Of course, he hasn’t really had much reason to run because he’s completing 68% of his passes. Here’s another game in which I’m going against my rule of taking the home team. I think Florida has too much offense for Tennessee and I’m not convinced Tennessee’s offense is as good as its 33 points per game indicates.

Teams: Cincinnati at Ohio State
Time (TV): Noon (GP)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: Ohio State

Isn’t it nice to just go into this game relaxed, knowing the win is a definite and that the Buckeyes are going to put up some nice numbers? For a half, anyway. I’m guessing three quarterbacks play on Saturday and would not be surprised to see four of them play. Expect to see something deep early on to Ted Ginn in order to get him his requisite highlight touchdown. Don’t worry about a letdown, Cincinnati just isn’t talented enough to capitalize. Expect something like 28 points in the first half and 10 in the second. And expect Beanie to have his first of many 100-yard days as a Buckeye.

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