Football
Tom's Tip Sheet
By Tom Orr and Tony Gerdeman

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The season that matters has now ended, and now it's all about soaking in the last few decent games of the year.

Unfortunately, there's not a lot to soak in.

It's still college football, however, so it's not all bad. There are still division championships to be won. There are still bragging rights out there. There are still rivalry games being played. And there are still coaches out there coaching their last game.

It only seems like it's all downhill from here since last week's classic choke job by Michigan.

How do you give up thirteen points in the last seven minutes of the game when you've only given up twelve to that point?

As far as how this week's games affect the Buckeyes and their BCS hopes, there is basically only one game that could, and that's Notre Dame at Stanford. If Notre Dame loses that one, they are done.

Anyway, while you're watching your TiVo'd version of the Michigan game this weekend, don't forget about these other games below.

(Tom's response: How do you give up 13 points in 7 minutes? With a pillowy soft zone defense that completely disregards the fact that giving up 10 yards every play allows the clock to stop, even if the other guys don't go out of bounds. It's like Wile E. Coyote is coaching Michigan, except I'm pretty sure the coyote didn't whine half as much as Lloyd. Also, I never wanted to see anyone drop an anvil on the coyote's head.)

Last week-Tony: 3-1, Tom: 2-2, The Quarter 2-2
Overall-Tom: 38-32-1, Tony: 36-34-1, The Quarter 36-35

Tuesday, November 22

Teams: Toledo (7-3) at Bowling Green (6-4)
Time (TV): 7:00 pm (ESPN2)
Line: Bowling Green by 6.5
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Bowling Green

Tony's Synopsis: It has been a truly disappointing season for Bowling Green. They seemingly gave up on their season after they were beaten in their opener by Wisconsin. It also hasn't helped that quarterback Omar Jacobs has been hurt at points this season. Of course, they're still going to be in the MAC Championship Game.

Jacobs' injuries may actually keep him in Bowling Green an extra season, as many "experts" had considered him an equal prospect to Matt Leinart.

Toledo, on the other hand, hasn't had a total failure of a season, but they have lost two of three.

Isn't it amazing how one team has a disappointing season and the other team doesn't, and there's only a difference of one win. That's because of Toledo's mentality. They just don't expect much, so they never get disappointed. If you've ever been to Toledo, you'd understand.

I'm sorry, that's not fair to Toledo. If it makes Toledo feel better, Bowling Green is just a college town for students that didn't want to be farther than driving distance for supper at Mommy and Daddy's.

Tom's Response: First off, before you bad-mouth Bowling Green, I'm pretty sure at least some of the students went there because it is what we in the business (fighter jet pilots) call a "target-rich environment." If I remember correctly, the female-to-male ratio is extremely high there (60:40 or something similarly ridiculous). You've got to respect that.

You would be wise not to turn this one off if it looks like it's getting out of hand early. You may remember that BG took a 27-7 lead with almost 10 minutes left in the second quarter, but gave up 35 unanswered points and lost 49-41.

Wednesday, November 23

Teams: Western Michigan (7-3) at Northern Illinois (6-4)
Time (TV): 1:30 pm (ESPN2)
Line: Northern Illinois by 9.5
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Northern Illinois

Tony's Synopsis: If Bowling Green beats Toledo, then this game will be for the MAC West Championship! Can you feel the excitement?

Title Town, aka Dekalb, Illinois, could be host to another champion this week.

This could be the biggest deal in Dekalb since Dekalb native Gary Quinn won the MLB Showdown 2002 Sports Card Game National Championship. (It's true, Google it.)

Tom's Rebuttal: I think I'm actually feeling the excitement right now. Or maybe that's just indigestion from the Burrito the size of a Buick that I ate for lunch. Does excitement feel like Mrs. O'Leary's cow is reenacting her moment of infamy inside your digestive tract?

Thursday, November 24

Teams: Kent State (1-9) at Akron (5-5)
Time (TV): 10:00 am (ESPN2)
Line: Akron by 12
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Kent State

Tony's Synopsis: Okay Tom. Assignment time. I want you to analyze this match up in the form of a G.I. Joe PSA. You are Snowjob. Kent State and Akron are melting their cowboys and Indians figures in the microwave. Talk to them about the dangers of inhaling fumes from melted plastic and how it could hinder their chance to win this game.

Pick #1: Akron -12

Tom's Rebuttal: I hate you. A lot.

The scene: The Zips' mascot (a kangaroo for some reason) and the Golden Flashes' mascot (former Michigan DL Larry Harrison) are playing with their toys.

Kangaroo: Bang! Bang! Bang! I shot your chief!

Larry Harrison: No way, my Indian's curry was too spicy for your cowboys to handle! They're dead!

'Roo: That's the wrong kind of Indian, you idiot.

Larry: Oh. Speaking of food, I'm kind of hungry. How about we put these plastic figures in the microwave, then eat them?

(Snowjob walks into the frame)

Snowjob: Whoa there, kids!

'Roo and Larry (in unison): Snowjob!

Snowjob: Don't put those figures in the microwave. When the plastic melts, it can release poisonous fumes that can make you sick. That could make you dizzy, nauseous, unconscious or even kill you.

(Larry starts eating the plastic figures)

Snowjob: And while the sweet release of death might sound appealing compared to sitting through this game, you should think of your parents and friends who would miss you when you're gone. So you should never use the microwave to melt your toys.

'Roo: I didn't know that.

Snowjob: Well now you know. And knowing is half the battle!

(and... scene)

I should mention that I will be celebrating Thanksgiving roughly 15 miles away from the Rubber Bowl. However, even as one of the biggest college football addicts of all time, and spending my Thanksgiving with group that includes a Kent State student, it never once occurred to any of us to go to this game.

I'm sure it's sold out, anyway. (cough)

Pick #1: Akron -12

Teams: Pittsburgh (5-5) at #12 West Virginia (8-1)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ESPN)
Line: West Virginia by 13
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: Pittsburgh

Tony's Synopsis: Pittsburgh is so bad that I think West Virginia will cover. Now that that's out of the way, I want to talk about the Pittsburgh - Louisville game from a few weeks ago.

If you remember that game, the opening kickoff was fumbled in the end zone and recovered by Louisville. The ensuing kickoff was then taken all of the way back for a touchdown by Terrell Allen of Pittsburgh. As Allen was approaching the end zone, I believe he dove into the end zone and received an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. Good ol' Wanny went berserk until an assistant coach came over and assured him that the touchdown was going to stand. Wannstedt's response, "It does?"

That dude should be on a porch somewhere playing a banjo.

Pick #2: West Virginia -13

Tom's Rebuttal: Can we create a "college football rules" quiz show and invite coaches on?

We can ask Lloyd Carr about the delay of game rule ("Wait... when the clock hits zero before we snap it, that's a penalty? Here I made an ass of myself last weekend for nothing."), Les Miles can help explain the intricacies of calling timeouts on changes of possession, and Wanny can be there too.

Is there a more fitting tribute to Big East football this season than the fact that it's Thanksgiving and South Florida is still very legitimately in contention for a BCS bowl?

I can't wait to see them play LSU or Georgia (or whoever the hell is going to win the SEC) in the Sugar Bowl and lose 49-6.

Friday, November 25

Teams: #2 Texas (10-0) at Texas A&M (5-5)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ABC)
Line: Texas by 26
Interest: 3.5
Cheer For: Texas A&M

Tony's Synopsis: Texas A&M is the worst thing to hit the state since Tom Landry's Funkfusion Tae-Bo.

Still, A&M fought hard against a bad Oklahoma team last week, so I'm going to leave this one alone.

Tom's Rebuttal: I know the Aggies are terrible, but I have a hard time seeing them fold up so much that they lose this one by four touchdowns at home. Then again, they are coached by a man named Fran, so anything is possible.

Did you realize that OSU is the only team to hold Texas to less than 42 points this year? That's just sick. Can I just go on the record right now, picking them over USC in the Rose Bowl?

Teams: Arkansas (4-6) at #3 LSU (9-1)
Time (TV): 2:30 pm (CBS)
Line: LSU by 16.5
Interest: 3.5
Cheer For: Arkansas

Tony's Synopsis: When LSU wins this, they will clinch their spot in the SEC Championship game. If both Texas and USC win out, LSU will have to be kicking themselves for losing at home to a completely inept Tennessee team. I'm serious, Tennessee couldn't kick a puppy and make it yelp right now.

Pick #3: LSU - 16.5

Tom's Rebuttal: First you pick Michigan to beat OSU and now you're kicking puppies? What's on the docket for next week-buying the Browns and moving them to Newport, RI?

Arkansas actually hasn't been too terrible on the road this year (at least outside of their trip to South Central). They beat Mississippi, lost by three at Georgia and by 11 at Alabama. They've also looked pretty decent recently, drubbing Mississippi State last week. (Yes, I know that doesn't mean much)

The Hogs won't win, but they should keep it close.

Pick #3: Arkansas +16.5

Teams: Arizona (3-7) at Arizona State (5-5)
Time (TV): 3:00 pm (Fox Sports Net)
Line: Arizona State by 9
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Arizona

Tony's Synopsis: Time for PSA Number 2, Tom. You are Clutch. Arizona State and Arizona are getting ready for their 6th Grade scoliosis screening. Arizona is really nervous. Arizona State is making fun of Arizona. You jump in and talk to Arizona State about how making fun of Arizona isn't cool. Feel free to add in the irony of Arizona State being diagnosed with scoliosis.

Tom's Rebuttal: I really, really hate you. Have I mentioned recently how you picked Michigan? Can I mention it again? Jerk.

(UA and ASU are sitting in the back of social studies class)

Arizona State: What the hell is wrong with you?

Arizona: I don't know... I'm just worried about that scoliosis test.

ASU: You sissy. I haven't studied at all, and I'm not worried.

UA: No, you idiot. I just don't want to take my shirt off in front of the school nurse.

Clutch (walking into frame): Don't worry, Arizona. There's nothing to be worried about.

UA: Clutch?

Clutch: That's right. You'll do just fine. The nurse will just ask you to lean over a little so she can look at the curve of your spine. Chances are, you'll be just fine. If not, there are some easy ways to correct it before it becomes a problem.

UA: I'm so relieved!

ASU: Yeah, but you still lost to Washington.

(Clutch and ASU both laugh and point at Arizona. UA runs off crying.)

ASU: I never knew how sensitive he was about that.

Clutch: ... and knowing is half the battle!

Teams: Nebraska (6-4) at Colorado (7-3)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ABC)
Line: Colorado by 14
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Colorado

Tony's Synopsis: Colorado covers. I've already talked too much about the "Big" XII North today.

Pick #4: Colorado -14

Tom's Rebuttal: I agree; the Buffs have been awesome at home (throttling a Murderer's Row of Mizzou, Kansas, Texas A&M and New Mexico State after an opening squeaker over CSU). Nebraska has been dreadful on the road (blown out at Kansas, blown out at Mizzou, beat Baylor in a nail-biter).

Incidentally, here are the teams Nebraska has beaten this year: Maine, Wake Forest, Pitt, Iowa State, Kansas State (all at home) and Baylor on the road. Something tells me that 1995 seems like a lot more than 10 years ago for the folks in Lincoln.

Pick #4: Colorado -14

Teams: #24 Wisconsin (8-3) at Hawaii (4-6)
Time (TV): 9:00 pm (ESPN2)
Line: Wisconsin by 6
Interest: 3
Cheer For: Wisconsin

Tony's Synopsis: Well, Wisconsin should win, but we know how that goes in Hawaii.

In truth, Wisconsin should just pound away with the running game on Hawaii.

Tom's Rebuttal: I hate it when you have honors. This is the "free money game of the week" and somehow we're not picking it.

Unless the Badgers get completely hosed by the officials (a la Michigan State last year) they should roll in this one. If you can't stop the run against a good running team, you need a ton of help.

Hawaii can't stop the run and Wisconsin is a good running team. Earlier this month, Fresno State's Wendell Mathis (no Brian Calhoun, he) carried it 19 times for 228 yards and three touchdowns against the Rainbows, Warriors, Rainbow Warriors or whatever the hell they're calling themselves this week. I'll do the math-that's 12 yards per pop.

This seems like a good time to let you know that thanks to Calhoun, I wrapped up fantasy college football league's championship last Saturday. Given the fact that Tony hasn't shut up about his team all year and that we haven't heard anything from him, I assume that he did not win his league.

Tony's Re-rebuttal: Don't even get me started. I'm in the championship. Our league's championship last two freaking weeks and all of my guys are off next week, so I have to pick up an entirely new team after tomorrow.

I could rant more about this, but I won't. Yes I will. My league made me stop playing Michael Robinson at WR. Meanwhile, the guy I'm playing has been playing Maurice Avery (Memphis WR) at WR, even though he's been starting at QB for a month now. The ironic part? The dude I'm playing is starting Robinson against me this week.

Saturday, November 26

Teams: Mississippi (3-7) at Mississippi State (2-8)
Time (TV): 2:30 pm (No TV)
Line: Mississippi by 3
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Mississippi State

Tony's Synopsis: Time for PSA #3, Tom. This time you are Hawk. Mississippi and Mississippi State, who are brothers, have gotten into their parent's liquor cabinet and are mixing drinks. Talk to them about the dangers of alcohol, especially so close to game time, and explain to them the difference between "top shelf" and "bottom shelf".

Tom's Rebuttal: I just wanted to make a joke about how this is the Egg Bowl... and how both teams stink like sulfur and move on. Maybe tell a somewhat related story about a guy I lived down the hall from in college who went, like, a month eating nothing but eggs. (Seriously. That smelled epic.)

(The Ole Miss Rebel and the Mississippi State Bulldog are home alone and wrestling on the floor of their father's den. The Rebel throws the Bulldog into the front of their father's liquor cabinet. The impact pops the cheap lock and the door swings open.)

Rebel: Gee whiz! That's never happened before!

Bulldog: Actually, Jackie Sherrill used to give me the key whenever I asked. But since that Sylvester Croom came around, I've been as sober as that BYU Cougar.

Rebel: What should we do?

Bulldog (already mixing himself a Tom Collins): What do you mean?

Rebel: Well... I know we're too young to drink, but I have always wondered what a Mint Julep tastes like.

Bulldog (chugging his drink): We're southern! We're never too young to drink. That's why we all talk funny!

Rebel: I guess you're right.

Hawk: You kids don't want to do that.

Bulldog (starting to slur his words): Hawk?

Hawk: Why do you want to drink? It doesn't make you cool. It makes you sick.

(Rebel looks disappointed in himself, staring at floor)

Hawk: And if you drink right before the big game, do you know what you would look like?

Bulldog: Two completely irrelevant programs slogging across the field at a CUSA-caliber level of competition.

Hawk: Well... yeah... I guess you're right. There really wouldn't be much of a difference.

Rebel: Wait... are you making fun of us.

Hawk: Mostly you, Rebel. A mint julep? Why don't you go up to your room and put on a big hoop skirt to drink that? Then on your way back down, grab me some whiskey.

(Rebel sulks off, Bulldog laughs, then runs into the bathroom to get sick)

Teams: Virginia (6-4) at #10 Miami (8-2)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ABC-Regional)
Line: Miami by 18.5
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: Virginia

Tony's Synopsis: Al Groh sure can recruit! But that's about it so far. That's a lot of points to give, but neither of these teams strike me as competent when necessary.

If I were at all interested in picking this game, I'd take Virginia.

But since I have no interest in picking this game, I'm going to move on.

Tom's Rebuttal: Can you imagine being down 52-7 to your arch-rival at home? That was the joy Hoos fans got to experience last Saturday.

This week, things will probably get ugly as well as they visit Tavares Gooden and his 7th floor friends. Unless Gooden gets caught up teaching coeds about multiplication again, the Canes should roll.

Teams: #23 Florida State (7-3) at #19 Florida (7-3)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (CBS)
Line: Florida by 6
Interest: 3
Cheer For: Irrelevance

Tony's Synopsis: This is George Foreman versus Larry Holmes, if the fight took place right now.

Yeah, you'll watch, but you're not going to let it keep you from taking the garbage out or organizing your junk drawer.

Urban Meyer really needs this win. Bobby Bowden really needs a nap, so keep it down. Shhhhh.

Tom's Rebuttal: Remember when this was going to replace OSU-Michigan as the nation's most important annual rivalry? Well... at least we still have Nebraska-Oklahoma, Nebraska-Colorado, Florida-Tennessee...

Teams: Oklahoma State (4-6) at Oklahoma (6-4)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ABC-Regional)
Line: Oklahoma by 19.5
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Oklahoma State

Tony's Synopsis: Call me crazy, but I don't believe Oklahoma can win this game by 20 points. I don't believe that they can win any game by 20 points. Although, to be fair, they have beaten Kansas State by 22 points this season.

Also, to be fair, Kansas State is terrible.

Oklahoma State played a very good first half against Texas a few weeks ago, before having their carriage turn back into a pumpkin and their driver turn into a rat. At least that's how I think it goes, I haven't really ever watched "Cinderella". I'll defer to Tom on the Disney knowledge.

The Pokes usually play the Sooners tough, and uber-surprisingly, it was because of Les Miles. I'm going with the awful Oklahoma State team to stay within three touchdowns of the bad Oklahoma team.

Pick # 5: Oklahoma State +19.5

Tom's Rebuttal: I don't think there is a more confusing team in the nation than the other other OSU (not Ohio... not Oregon... there you go!)

They beat Montana State at home by 5. They beat Arkansas State at home by 10. They lost 34-0 at Colorado. They gave up 62 points on the road at Texas A&M. Then they led Texas at the half and beat Texas Tech. Then they lost at Baylor.

Pick #5: Oklahoma State +19.5

Teams: North Carolina (5-5) at #5 Virginia Tech (9-1)
Time (TV): 7:45 pm (ESPN)
Line: Viginia Tech 22.5
Interest: 4
Cheer For: North Carolina

Tony's Synopsis: Lousy ACC match ups. They all look the same. A mediocre team vs a better than mediocre team. Although sometimes it's impossible to tell which team is which.

Tom's Rebuttal: Umm... hey! Look over there! [runs away]

Teams: #6 Notre Dame (8-2) at Stanford (5-5)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ABC-regional)
Line: Notre Dame by 17.5
Interest: 4
Cheer For: Stanford

Tony's Synopsis: I think at some point last week I picked Stanford to beat Notre Dame. I don't know if it was on here or in my car on the way home.

It's pretty much a forgone conclusion that Brady Quinn is going to be invited to the Heisman ceremony. After all, he's had a pretty good year and he plays at Notre Dame. That's like the chocolate and peanut butter of Heisman combinations!

Walt Harris' team has had some bad losses to some bad teams (UC Davis) and has had some decent wins against some bad teams (Arizona State). Since this is a night game, I'm taking those tree-thingies.

Pick #6: Stanford +17.5

Tom's Rebuttal: A fairly regular e-mail correspondent ("normal" like on a set schedule, not like all the other e-mail correspondents eat paste and light things on fire) made a phenomenal point this week.

If Stanford wins this game, it would knock Notre Dame out of BCS consideration, and almost certainly open up a BCS slot for Oregon.

Given the fact that the Pac-10 commissioner has been doing his Lloyd Carr impression for the last few days (whining incessantly about how his guys are getting screwed, without any real evidence to back it up), this is a pretty good "put up or shut up" game for that conference. If the Pac-10 wants to get a little respect, they have a chance to win this game and earn a BCS slot. If not, screw them.

And since Notre Dame failed to cover against Syracuse, forcing me to spend the better part of an hour writing in G.I. Joe style, screw them, too.

Pick #6: Stanford +17.5

Teams: #13 Georgia (8-2) at #20 Georgia Tech (7-3)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ABC-regional)
Line: Georgia by 3
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Georgia Tech

Tony's Synopsis: This is where I take Georgia and Tom hopefully takes Georgia Tech on the basis of last week's game.

The first time you put faith in Reggie Ball is the last time you put faith in Reggie Ball. He's like an airbag that deploys on the second Tuesday after your first accident.

Pick #7: Georgia -3

Tom's Rebuttal: Do you think this is the first time I've seen Georgia Tech play football? Of course, Georgia has hosed me at least once and maybe twice this year when I picked them.

Still...

Pick #7: Georgia -3

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